Zoe Gray Mazza
In Conversation With Kayla Holliday
“the sound of wind going through wheat.
If I was a sound... I’d want to be that.”
Kayla: We'll start out simple. I'd love to hear a little bit more
about your music taste. We were talking a little about some classical
music, but what do you listen to on a typical day?
ZOE:I really like Amy Winehouse, Etta James, Remi Wolf.
I think I like things with a little bit of funk.
And I just recently started being able to listen to slower,
sad music, because it used to make me too sad.
Kayla: Typically, more women artists it seems like?
ZOE: Yeah. I don't listen to a lot of male artists.
I don't think I listen to… any. (laughs)
Kayla: Do you know why? Psychoanalyze yourself for a minute there.
ZOE: I feel like I just didn't grow up listening
to a lot of male artists. My mom and my
dad just didn't end up doing that.
I don't know why.
Kayla: Do you think that you found a lot of your music taste through your family?
ZOE: Yeah they have good music taste, especially…
my little brother, is so musical.
He was going to school for the trumpet for performance.
If there's a good song on, it'll be him on aux. Like, he's so good.
“he went out and gambled their house away”
Kayla: Do you know how you got your name?
ZOE: Yeah. So Zoe means life in Greek.
And when I was born, I wasn't breathing.
As a newborn, they had to give me CPR for 7 minutes,
and they didn't think I was going to make it.
And then I breathed…and I started crying.
And they held up me and the nurse said to my dad, what's her name?
And he just blurted out ZOE!
My dad's not even Greek, but that was the name they were thinking of.
So they went with Zoe because I was alive.
And then Zoe Gray… my Great Grandma Watkins, that was her middle name.
And she smoked a lot.
She was really tiny and she was an oil painter and she was also an accountant.
So she was like, super wicked smart.
And also could paint, which is, I feel like, not common.
So that's how I got my name.
Kayla: That's beautiful.
ZOE: My mom tells me this story about how my great grandpa,
was a gambling addict and one time
he went out and he gambled their house away
and he came back and my great grandma was there.
And she said,
“If you ever want to see me again,
you have to turn around and go get our house back.”
“I feel like throughout school, I fell out of love with [acting].
I stopped seeing it as a way to connect with other people.”
Kayla: Oh, so she said, “Go back to the casino!”
ZOE: Yeah And he turned around and he got the house back.
Kayla: Through gambling?
ZOE: Through gambling.
Kayla: Wow. And Zoe Gray… Is that two first names?
ZOE: It's a middle name I go by. It reminds me of her,
and I never got to meet her, but I, I, I love her,
so I think I like that - Zoe Gray.
Kayla: I'm going to ask a challenging question, depending on the person.
I've asked it to a few other people and sometimes they struggle
and sometimes, they have an answer.
So I think it might tell us a little bit about the way that you view yourself.
If you had to describe yourself, but you couldn't use anything about
what you do or what you like or anything exterior like that,
how would you describe yourself?
ZOE: I feel like I have core values that I try to live by.
Of being genuine, being honest and being kind.
And I try to be those things.
I try and sometimes I'm not, but I try.
Can I get obscure with it? Is that okay?
Kayla: Hell, yeah.
ZOE: I feel like I'm… my laugh. I have a very loud cackle.
Do you know the sound of wind going through wheat?
I grew up hearing that. If I was a sound, maybe I'd be that.
I’d want to be that. Yeah.
Kayla: What is something that you're currently proud of yourself for?
ZOE: I'm really proud of myself for graduating college.
It was hard through the pandemic.
I mean, it was so difficult and isolating.
I actually at one point had in my emails, drafted, a leave of absence
and I was going to send it. And I didn't I, I kept it in my drafts.
Kayla: What do you think kept you from sending that email?
ZOE: Honestly, like one of the therapists I was seeing
at the time really sat me down and we talked about it
and they were like, “Just, just try” and if you don't like it,
you can get out. And so yeah, I did it, and I just took it
so slow and I was just really focused on myself.
I was like, I can't think about anything else. Anyone else. Yeah.
Kayla: Survival.
ZOE: Yeah.
I do think conservatory style training is meant to push you.
I mean, it's all that you do. And so it was, it was hard.
Kayla: Do you think you ever fell out of love with acting or has that-
ZOE: -Oh my God, yeah.
Oh my GOD. Yeah.
I feel like throughout school, I fell out of love with it.
I stopped seeing it as a way to connect with other people.
And I started seeing it as like, okay, what's going on with me?
Am I good? Am I good enough? Do you want me? Do you want me?
I was finding no joy and it made me miserable. And I, I just hated it.
I wanted to like it so bad.
And then I just didn't act for a while after I graduated.
And then I got this email, which is from [Diana Soukup], which is cool.
And I think Provenance is the way I reentered.
Kayla: That's so sweet. Yeah, because acting is one of the
only art forms where you are the product.
So you're judging yourself when you're judging your art,
rather than it being this third thing.
ZOE: Yeah. And it's, and it's hard because you can feel a
certain way internally, but also how you feel isn't the product.
It's what people are seeing. I can feel like my face is moving
a certain way or feel like I'm looking upset, but then an
audience could read it a completely different way.
So it felt really technical. And sometimes you need technique
and sometimes I felt like it was really getting in my way.
Kayla: Yeah. Do you have a favorite acting theory that you follow?
ZOE: I think it varies by project. I don't have a theory that I follow.
I think it really varies by project and the character that I'm playing.
Like what I need to get prepped for that. What is something that
the character would do, and I just do that.
That sounds method but it’s not.
Like with Rose I was just sketching all the time.
I filled up a full notebook. And if that's a part of her everyday life,
I should get-
How does it feel to see everything like it’s something I could make?
Kayla: What would you say is the thing about [Rose] that you are most like, personally?
ZOE: I think she's really quietly competitive.
And I think I am, too, even if it's competing against myself.
She's really internal and I don't think I'm as internal as her,
but I do think that sometimes I just get lost in my thoughts.
Kayla: What about differences?
ZOE: I'm trying to think of how to put this into words.
I think I learned through the things I've been through in life-
I feel like I'm comfortable enough to let people know
what's going on, to be vulnerable.
“I felt when I read [Provenance] that someone took some of my secrets and wrote them out.”
And I just, I imagine, what difference would that make
if Rose had somebody where she felt like she could be 100% honest?
Because even with Kara in the movie, she's hinting at like this huge,
boulder that's like sitting on her chest of, like I'm,
I don't think I can do it.
And she's just hinting at it and she's not able to be open.
And I feel like I've been lucky enough to have people
in my life who support me, who want to know me 120%.
And I feel like Rose, unfortunately, just isn't in that circumstance.
So I feel like I have the privilege of being open, while she doesn't. Or didn't.
Kayla: Now, is there anything you learned about yourself when you were playing her?
ZOE: Yeah. I feel like Rose was just a version of myself sometimes.
I feel like she was living out of spite. And then at the end of the day,
it's like, What are you left with?
And so to do things out of joy rather than to do it out of like,
Fuck it, watch me. And I feel even sometimes I get caught in the
trap of being like, I don't give a fuck. Like, fuck you.
Kayla: Trying to prove yourself.
ZOE: Yeah, that's the words I'm looking for.
Kayla: Do you think that acting for you is cathartic
when you're going through something, or do you think that
it can be harmful, because you're being forced to feel all
these strong emotions?
ZOE: I think it depends. I think it depends on the project.
I try to be like, okay, here's my life, put it out the door
and then let's work on it.
But sometimes it sneaks in and you don't realize it.
I think it's healthy? I don't know. I have no idea.
Kayla: Do you think you're a better actor when you're
going through something or when you're peachy, feeling great?
ZOE: I think maybe when I'm going through something.
Usually when I am going through something, if I have something
else I can dive fully into and commit 110%, that helps me
because I have an outlet for energy.
And during Provenance, that was really, really helpful.
Kayla: Why provenance? Why did you sign on for the project?
And what grabbed your attention about it?
ZOE: I felt when I read it that someone
took some of my secrets and wrote them out.
Like, it is so specific and I have had moments-
I painted and drew all my life, and I've had moments
where I've had a meltdown and have destroyed my works.
My mom, who's an artist, has destroyed her works.
It's such a specific thing.
And then also to show that and just everything,
it just feels like the secret side of being an artist
that I felt so protective over.
Rose, specifically, because I've been there so many times.
And I, I felt like when I got the full script for the callback,
I was like, “Nobody knows her better than I know her.”
Like, I know her so well. Like, give it to me, please.
And just how internal she was. Yeah. And I just, I love specificity.
It's such a big story, but the character’s so niche,
and I thought I could do a lot with it.
“I feel like Rose was just a version of myself sometimes.
I feel like she was living out of spite. And then at the end of the day,
it's like, What are you left with?”
Kayla: And do you think that you did?
ZOE: I think so. Maybe. I really hope so. I really hope so.
I feel like I made a big choice to make her so internal that
when we finished filming, I was like, “I feel good. I feel good.”
And then like a month or two passed and I was like,
“Oh my God, do I not give anything in this movie?”
Like, are my movements,
everything I give so internal,
so small that I give nothing?
Kayla: And that's kind of what we were talking about.
When you're feeling it inside, does the audience also?
ZOE: That's the big thing. I had to trust my gut
and I had to put so much trust in Max.
Max did such a good job making me feel comfortable
and I felt like he would be so honest with me,
that I was like, “Okay, I'm trusting you.
This is how internal I think she is. Take it or leave it.”
And I feel like she's painfully shy in some ways.
And I just want to show that. But a shy person can have
so much stuff going on. And so hopefully it reads.
Kayla: Is there anything you want to add before wrapping up?
ZOE: I really do love you guys. I feel like growing up-
I felt like I was the one kid who was kind of like,
“You guys, let's make a movie. Come on.”
And all my friends would kind of outgrow it.
I felt like I was that one kid who was obsessed with it.
And then I feel like with Provenance, every single person
who was on that set and putting so many hours in-
They were the kid who was obsessed with movies when they were younger.
And so to be surrounded by people who are like,
“This is my livelihood. This is what makes me want to get up.”
It's just so incredibly special.
And I look at you, I look at Enzo, I look at Max, I look at Louis.
I look at everybody who worked on it, and I'm just so thankful that
I got to be a part of something where people cared so much.
Yeah, Yeah, that's it.
Kayla: Period.
View the Entire Shoot Below.